my thoughts and feelings

i want my life to be as simple as possible but is really hard…
maybe i m a very complicated person…haha
sometimes i really wanna think as simple as possible but i really scare ppl will take advantage or cheat on me …
tis kind of thinking izit wrong???
izit i have to stop following technology, stop following fashion n etc… so tat i can have a simple life???
i cant doin n i dunwan to doin it…
i prefer to live in city then town….
i guess i m thinking too much…. sensitive person is lik tat…haha
spend most of her time thinking…

de more problem i solve, de stronger i m….
i will be stronger…
i will be successful…
i will be rich…
i will be beautiful…
i will be happy…
de process will be hard, it will be harder when i have to face it alone…
i will not be afraid, although sometimes i cant hold on it…
there will be a lot of tear drops… will it stop 1day?
i m strong when i stop tearing…
i will not give up… will never give up..

2 years ago a fren send me a msg.. it said :" God will never leave u empty. He will replace everything u lost. If He ask u to put something down, it’s bcoz He wants you to pick something greater." i kept it but i dun understand it tat time…Now i understand it…is true…i feel much more happier after i understand it… i live my life more meaningful…when ppl did something tat disappointed me or make me feel not so happy…i will find a reason 4 them… i dun feel angry or sad or disappointed towards them anymore… but it also giv me de feeling tat i m a very cold person… m i?
i think i m..
sometimes when i feel down, honestly if i wanna find some1 to count on… i guess is zero…

being cold is not so bad i think…. maybe 1day there is some1 tat can warm my heart i guess or not…haha… it all depends…

in my mind, when ppl did somethin or make any decision, they sure hav their reasons n their problems… tats y when ppl did somethin i felt hurtful or unhappy, i can understand… i will find tons of reasons for their actions n decisions… i dun mad at them n will forgive them easily… but i will feel very uneasy n unhappy… blood seems 2 rush to my head… i feel very headache…
then i will tell myself to tahan… i knoe tis kind of feeling will go away… it will not last 4ever… it does work 4 me…
but all de hurtful things n bad feeling jus hunt me bek…it jus too much 4 me i think!! i always wandering wat is de duty n things tat God wants me to do in tis life…i hope i knoe… i really want 2 finish my duty n leave tis world..
i tried very hard to live happy since i was young… i think i m a very simple person… i feel very happy when i m wit ppl… but y m i always alone… i cant get rid of tis thinkin tat i m alone… i knoe alone is nothin but i dun feel easy…
i tried very very hard 2 minimize my unhappiness… ppl around me, jus dun hurt me anymore… i dun wanna breakdown again….

i starting 2 feel tat i living in my own little world…i do everythin by my own…i think i should be happy cause i hav de opportunity 2 do tat…no ppl control, no ppl cares n no ppl even knoe wat m i doin…sometimes i feel great…i feel free…but sometimes jus feel  a bit lonely n alone…cant share wit others…

i think i should create more things into my small little world…make it more n more intresting…

since i live in my own little world…i think i became mature a lot…everythin i hav 2 decide by myself…but at least i dun hav 2 think bout others…

actually think in the positive way, livin alone actually is not bad…i can do watever i wan…i hav a lot of time 4 myself…time really can change a lot of things…i dun feel lonely anymore…

i m goin 2 shift house 2morrow….i asked so many ppl 2 help me…
i cant find anyone 2 help me…i really open my mouth tis time…
i asked many times…
it hursts me a lot tis time…
i knoe i will find a way…nothin is impossible…
being alone is great!!!

maybe because i m a very annoying person…is getting harder 4 me to communicate wit people now… there was once a friend told me tat i mus open my mouth 2 ask 4 help when i need it…because  i dont last time… n now i think is time 4 me 2 shut my mouth…  it jus so hard 2 ask for help… maybe i jus stop writing blog

many things lik unhappy, low mood, angry r temporary….all tis r our temporary feelings…maybe 2day i hav all tis but 2morrow i dun hav…when we r on tat situation, if can, dun make any decision, cause maybe u will regret later….
when i hav those feelings, i always wan ppl 2 feel it or understand it…maybe because of tis, i push ppl away from me…ppl alreadi fed up wit me n dun really bother about wat i m feeling….
if i ever gav u tis feelings before, i m sorry, hope u forgive me…..
so i knoe now tat when making any decision, do it when my mind is clear so tat i make a wise decision….

feelin ppl around me movin on make me feel hurt…watever they say n do, although wat they say r not hurtful but there sure leave me a  bad feeling…sometimes hope i will be cold blooded so tat i dun feel anythin…

i used 2 dun lik ppl pay attention 2 me…i hope ppl jus dun care wat i did but now i get wat i wanted n hated it…
now i want ppl 2 pay attention 2 me…wat m i thinking??